


it's closer than my hands have been

by serendipityinwords



Category: The Folk of the Air - Holly Black
Genre: Angst, F/M, Jealousy, jude is MAD, post twk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 14:16:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19152733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serendipityinwords/pseuds/serendipityinwords
Summary: Heather's brother is coming over to pick up the rest of her things. The problem is, Cardan's already there.Jude's had enough dealing with her sister's heartbreak, now she has to deal with her own.





	it's closer than my hands have been

**Author's Note:**

> Another jealousy fic because it's What Cardan Deserves

These days, Jude spends little time doing anything except thinking up ways to destroy Cardan. When she’s not fantasizing about how she’s going to ruin his entire life, she’s thinking about wringing his pretty neck. On the rare occasion that she's not thinking of either of these things, she imagines long fingers trailing down her chest, torso, thighs, you get the picture.

 

It’s safe to say a lot of her life has become monopolized by her husband. A while ago, the thought might have horrified her. Now, she’s way past childishly wishing away the hold this boy has on her. If she can’t get rid of him, she’s going to make sure he won’t be able to get rid of her either.

 

Today in particular, she’s itching for an outlet for all the buzzing going on in her head. She thinks she’s almost got a semblance of a plan together. She just needs to talk it through. Given that her sister is one of the only people she knows who doesn’t care for Cardan’s authority and, let’s face it, is the only person she can talk to, Vivi is a prime candidate. Vivi doesn’t care as much as she pretends to, but Jude appreciates that she pretends at all. 

 

Still, even with how singular her focus has been these past few months, even Jude has to concede that today’s not the best day to complain about her disastrous love life. Vivi’s got problems of her own. Heather’s brother is coming over to pick up the rest of her things. 

 

Jude never held any particular hope that Heather would come back to live with her sister. After all, she knows what it’s like to be wronged by the fae. The sting just doesn’t quite leave. She feels disloyal for thinking it but she finds that she’s rather relieved that Heather’s leaving behind all this faerie nonsense. The further she gets from them, the better. Of course, she feels bad for Vivi. She’s been great about Jude’s moping. The least Jude could do is deal with hers. 

 

She hears the doorbell ring and cringes. The sooner they get this over with, the better. She stands up to get the door before Vivi can come back in. She should at least warn Heather’s brother about the disaster he’s walking into. But when she opens the door, it’s not a nice, if slightly reluctant mortal she’s faced with. No, when the door swings open, she’s bombarded with inhuman beauty of the faerie king. 

 

“Wife,” Cardan says by way of greeting.

 

Consciously or no, she’s been preparing to see him since she had been exiled. That’s months of poring over various scenarios, of planning what she’d do to him, sharpening her words so they’d slice right through his chest. Still, she can’t seem to form a single thought in her head. She’s just lucid enough to register a wave of anger at that. His voice has a visceral effect on her. Everything in Jude freezes. Her knuckles tighten on the doorframe so hard, they turn white. It takes every single bit of self-control she has cultivated over the years not to punch him in the damned face. Even then it’s much too close. 

 

S he recovers quickly enough, all things considered, but she’s sure Cardan saw the way she locked up. She curses herself for showing any signs of weakness. Jude had long ago told herself that she would never make that mistake. Not again. She relaxes her face into indifference, though she has a sneaking suspicion that the damage has been done. 

 

There’s a very long moment where she considers slamming the door in his face. It would be extremely satisfying. But, as always, her curiosity gets the better of her. Besides, she’s seen how powerful he is. She doubts he’ll have problems finding them again. And if he’s deigned to come to her doorstep for something, he will find her again. She’d rather not deal with all of that.

 

She nods once, short. “Husband.” 

 

He looks surprised at that, at least. She’d take it. 

 

Jude steps to the side to let him in. Her jaw is aching with how hard she clenches it. Cardan saunters with the infuriating smugness of someone who’s not used to being denied. Well, whatever he’s here for, she will deny it. Afterall, she is the queen of faerie, even if nobody except the people in the house knows it. 

 

“It’s an absolute honor having you visit, your highness,” Jude says, sarcasm dripping from every word. He doesn’t look as put off as he used to be when she first started blatantly lying to him, but she knows him well enough to spot the telltale signs of discomfort. “Still, I have to ask what the fuck you think you’re doing here.”

 

Any sign of distress is ironed out of his face. He does it a hell of a lot better than Jude ever could. Cardan doesn’t even blink. He looks bored with her. She cannot deny it stings. 

 

“I’m here to see the last of my family. Surely I am owed that at least.”

 

For one ridiculous second, Jude thinks he’s talking about her. And then she remembers Oak. He is technically her nephew, even if she doesn’t believe for a second Cardan considers him family the way she does. Jude grits her teeth before she can say anything to make matters worse. She needs to think about every word that slips out from between her lips. Just because she’s out of practice verbally sparring with Cardan doesn’t mean she’s planning on losing. And now the stakes are higher than ever. ‘

 

“Oak’s at school.” Cardan blinks. “They’re doing finger painting today,” she adds uselessly. 

 

He blinks again, slower this time. As if he can’t comprehend a member of the royal family attending kindergarten with other mortal children, finger painting of all things. Honestly, she can’t believe it either. It’s kind of ridiculous. 

 

“When will he get back?”

 

“In an hour,” she replies almost instantly. She wonders why she hadn’t lied. Surely she could have scared him off into visiting some other time if she had said that he’d be returning much later. She decides that his sudden presence has fucked with her brain too much, or that he’s found a way around Dain’s geas and has ensorcelled her. The alternative is that she wants him there, and it’s just too disturbing to really consider. She prays an hour is too long for him. She can’t imagine being stuck with him for that long. She might kill him, or worse; cry. 

 

Alas, he only nods magnanimously forcing her to hold in an eye roll. “I’ll wait.”

 

She plops onto the sofa as ungracefully as possible, slouching as much as she can go and placing her legs on the table in what she hopes is an obvious show of disrespect. Jude doesn’t expect it, but she also miss the way his heated gaze traces the path from her stretched legs to her bored face. It’s dumb and childish, but it makes her feel good, and she desperately needs to feel good right now. “Far be it for me to contradict the high king.” 

 

He blinks lazily at that, not even reacting to the fact that she caught him staring. It rankles something in her. The feeling gets worse when she realises just how easily he has gotten to her. A million scenarios she had planned and none has made her feel as useless as she does now. 

 

“Will you not offer me a seat, Jude?” 

 

Jude smiles sweetly at him. “No,” she tells him.

 

Cardan sits next to her on their ratty couch anyway like it’s the throne that’s waiting for him in Elflame. She hates him so much in that moment, she can’t really comprehend it. She looks away, but his heavy presence suffocates her. She’s done a lot of impossible things for a mortal, or so everyone likes to remind her, but she considers staying planted next to him one of her biggest feats. 

 

Vivi comes into the living room a few excruciating minutes later, eyes red-rimmed and nose puffier than she’s ever seen it. Cardan has the good sense not to comment on it. Though she thinks it’s probably because he just doesn’t care. 

 

“What is he doing here?” she asks Jude derisively, not even casting a glance at the virtually unignorable man next to her. Jude loves her more than ever.

 

“He wants to see Oak.” 

 

Vivi raises an eyebrow. Even though she’s been very obviously crying, the effect is withering. “And we’re letting him?”

 

“Not sure we have much of a choice here, Vivi.” 

 

Cardan hasn’t said a word during their exchange. He’s barely reacted. Jude had gotten good at reading him when she was his senechal, but she doesn’t know what to think anymore. It’s more unsettling than she’d like to admit. 

 

“Whatever,” Vivi decides and plops down on the ground near the foot of the couch. Even Cardan frowns at this. Jude has to hide a smile.

 

The doorbell rings again. Jude can’t help the sigh of relief that leaves her.  “I’ll get it!” She exclaims, a little too quickly.

 

She hears a muffled “Obviously,” coming from the ground but chooses to ignore it, remembering that her sister is doing her a kindness by letting her scheme against their high king under her roof for as long as she has. Still, she kicks her in the hip as she passes by, smiling at the quick whelp Vivi lets out. 

 

This time, it’s the right person. She can tell because the boy standing in front of her is very much, very vitally mortal. And he looks a lot like her sister’s ex-girlfriend. 

 

Heather’s brother is as handsome as Heather is pretty. Which is to say, very, but in a human way. After years of being surrounded by inhuman beauty, Jude can’t seem to stop staring at him. She sees why Vivi was besotted enough to leave everything she’s ever known behind.

 

Though for what she can only assume are completely different reasons, he can’t seem to stop staring either.

 

“ You here for Heather’s things?” she asks when the silence stretches on for a little too long.

 

“You’re not Vi.” 

 

Jude blinks. “Last I checked.” He lets out a laugh at that. It’s a nice enough laugh that she finds herself relaxing on her accord. “I don’t think we’ve met.” 

 

“We haven’t. I would have remembered you.” He’s flirting with her, she realises absently. His gaze stays on her face, never dipping below the neck, gentleman that he probably is. She thinks of Cardan’s lazy perusal and feels her face heat up. He obviously takes it as an encouraging sign because his smile goes from polite to a little bit dangerous. “This is the part where you tell me your name.”

 

She’s not going to lie. None of this feels natural to her. She can barely hold a friendly conversation with a human, and now someone is flirting with her right at her doorstep. It’s awkward. What with her husband also being here. But a big part of her delights in the thought. _Cardan_ is here. It’s an awkwardness she’s more than happy to push through if it means him feeling bad in any way. She can’t look but she feels his eyes bore into her back. He’s watching her.  The pleasure she gets from the knowledge is very nearly obscene. 

 

“You’re the one at my door. I think you should go first.” She can tell her tone is straddling the line between suggestive and mean, but he doesn’t seem to mind. It’s a relief. She doesn’t think she could pull this off if he was one of those people who did. There’s only so much of herself she can change. 

 

He leans in a little closer than necessary. He’s just non-threatening enough that Jude doesn’t tense at the proximity, though it’s a close thing. “Jasper,” he tells her. _Human name, human boy,_ she thinks ridiculously. Sobering up a little, he says, “Heather sent me.”

 

She feels a sense of niggling guilt at using this situation like this. To spite Cardan of all things. For all she knows, he could be just as bored as she was a few minutes ago. 

 

“You better come in then.” This time when she steps aside to let a boy in, she finds herself looking at Cardan. She had half-convinced herself that he would be unaffected by the show she put on, but when she looks back at him, his back is ramrod straight and his eyes have lost all the previous bored amusement. Jude stares, she can’t help herself. When Jasper takes a step closer to her, he eyes them so intensely, she feels the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Tight jaw, hands clenched at his sides, eyes ablaze. She has the terrible thought that she's bit off more than she can chew. But when has that ever stopped her. 

 

“Thanks.” Jasper continues, oblivious. He tilts his head surveying his surroundings when his gaze snags on Vivi now lying on the ground. “Hey Vi.” 

 

“Hey,” she returns noncommittally. 

 

She expects Jasper to spot Cardan immediately, but he just glazes over the spot on the couch where Cardan is staring at them. He must be glamoring Jasper so he wouldn’t see him. Jude can’t even wrap her head around the reason but it can be nothing good. He could kill him, she suddenly realises. He certainly seems angry enough to want to. He could make it so that neither Heather nor his parents would remember that he ever existed. While he had once told her that his one virtue was that he was not a killer, it occurs to her that she doesn’t know him anymore. That she probably never did. And even if faerie can’t lie, they’re adept at deception. 

 

She decides that this has gone on long enough. Nothing Cardan is doing is making any sense and it kills her a little. All this and he’s still winning. 

 

“Has she been like this all day?” he asks in a theatrical whisper.

 

Jude starts a little. Jasper notices and frowns. She takes this opportunity to tame her smile into something more friendly, something less likely to get this family into any more trouble. “More or less.” Jude chances another glance at her sister, who is at present, groaning less soundlessly than she probably thinks she is. “More.”

 

“Heather’s the same,” he tells her, “She told me that love is a conspiracy theory set up by the government to keep the people from revolting.” Jude laughs despite herself. 

 

A scoff sharper than any sound she’s heard in a while. Jude hesitantly turns to look at him, feeling something like fear for the first time since he’s gotten here. Cardan is every inch the cruel prince she always thought he was, lips snarled, face hard. But she’s noticing something in his endless eyes she tells herself is impossible. It’s a kind of sadness that wraps around her lungs and squeezes. But that can’t be right. The fae do experience heartbreak. She’s seeing it in Vivi, grief breaking a part of her that has always run wild and free. She’s seen it in Madoc. in his own terrible way. But Cardan is Cardan. King of the fae, her husband by name and nothing else. He is no more capable of heartbreak than she is capable of forgiveness. 

 

Still. He is dangerous. She can’t even comprehend how dangerous he is. She can’t risk more than she’s already risking. 

 

“So, I’ll just get the stuff for you then.”

 

If he notices her brusque dismissal, he doesn’t remark on it. His grin fades into a good-natured smile. It only strengthens her conviction that she’s doing the right thing. 

 

“Wait!” Vivi exclaims, bolting upright. “Have some tea first!” She dashes into the kitchen before anyone can say word. Jude knows what she’s doing; delaying the inevitable. Kind of like when she thought she could convince Cardan to be her puppet king for a while longer. A fool’s prayer. 

 

Jude is about to make some excuse and rush him out when Cardan gets up. He saunters again, but she can tell that there’s some urgency guiding his steps. She’s so relieved she can read him again, she barely registers Jasper’s wide eyes. 

 

Cardan’s dropped the glamor. 

 

Vivi comes out with the tea. 

 

It’s over in a split second. Jasper goes from shock, to confusion, to polite gratitude as he grabs the mug from Vivienne’s uncertain hands. 

 

“Oh, hi man! Didn’t see you there,” he says, pleasant as ever. Vivi glances uneasily between all of them and Jude barely keeps her anger in check. Doubtless Cardan has ensorcelled him into believing that he was always there, and that he had simply not noticed him. The bastard. 

 

“I’m easy to miss,” Cardan says, dry. Jude’s annoyed that it shocks a laugh out of her that she barely manages to bite back.  

 

Jasper looks between them with an easy smile. “Do you guys know each other?” 

 

Vivi steps in to answer, no doubt some faerie unanswer that will leave Jasper just slightly more confused than he was before. “He’s no one,” Jude answers before her sister can open her mouth. 

 

Vivi makes a valiant effort to keep her face expressionless, but her wide eyes give too much away.  In her heart of hearts, she knows that if she were bound to the law of the faerie, she could never have said that. Cardan is a lot of things to her. Her tormentor, her husband, her enemy, the boy whose touch she feels when she closes her eyes, but he could never be no one to her. He takes up too much of her life, a fact she suspects won’t change anytime soon. 

 

She is so glad she is mortal. 

 

She doesn’t dare chance a look at him, merely catching the way he goes carefully blank again. She sees the edges of a humorless smile graces his beautiful face. She turns to him, morbid curiosity taking over. He looks straight back at her. The effect would have shaken her, but the effect is somewhat dampened by the pained look in his eye. _Good_ , she thinks. She’s never been so happy to be cruel in her life. 

 

“You have your answer.” His words are directed at Jasper but he's still looking at Jude. She has a feeling she's going to feel his gaze on her for a long time after he's gone. For now, she doesn't mind. She blooms under his obvious hurt. It’s perverse. Oh, how he’s changed her. She doesn't care. 

 

Jasper is growing a little uneasy. “Oh,” he says. She turns to face him. His friendly smile remains, but there’s something guarded about it now. Humans are so good at reading half-truths and lies, she’s sure he’s put two and two together by now. He’s also clearly decided that he wants nothing to do with whatever’s happening between them. Even with the full effect of Cardan being muted by the glamor, he knows Cardan isn’t someone to compete with.

 

“Here.” It’s Vivi talking now. Jude tears her gaze away from Cardan to watch Vivi hand over the box of Heather’s things, looking as pained as she’s ever seen her. Jude barely noticed that she’d gone to retrieve her. She suddenly feels unbearably selfish. “Tell her…” she trails off, eyes suspiciously glassy. "Thanks," she says instead. 

 

Jasper puts a hand on her shoulder. “Take care.” 

 

She manages a brief nod before turning on her heel and leaving the room. Jasper’s eyes slide over Cardan again. His glamor is up but Jude can’t be bothered to find out why. She’s so unbelievably tired all of a sudden. If she shuts her eyes, she thinks she might be able to sleep forever. No more plotting or scheming or sadness disguised in anger and anger disguised in indifference. 

 

“I’ll show you out,” she tells Jasper. 

 

When they reach the doorway, Jasper pauses. She’s gripped with the sudden fear that he’s going to ask for her number and the sheer exhaustion from the hour’s events will compel her to reveal that she doesn’t have a phone because she’s not planning on staying in this world. But he doesn’t, so she doesn’t. 

 

“That was awful,” he says instead, emphatically. 

 

“Worse than a root canal.” She’s obviously never gotten a root canal, but it seemed like the appropriate thing to say. He huffs out a laugh so she guesses she's right. In that moment, Jude yearns for an uncomplicated human companion. More than that, she yearns for an uncomplicated mortal life. The feeling is so sudden and so strong, she feels tears prick at the back of her eyes. “Goodbye, Jasper,” she says instead. Because that’s all she can do. 

 

“Wait,” he says, and she pauses, “you never told me your name.” 

 

She smiles sadly. “Don’t worry about it.” And then she shuts the door in his face. 

 

“Does he know that you have a husband?” Jude's surprised to find that she had forgotten about him, albeit however briefly. 

 

She rests her forehead against the door for a brief moment before she can find it in her to face him again. “Cardan, if you don’t shut up, I’ll gladly tell him that I’m widow. And I won’t be lying.” 

 

He actually looks shaken at that. “You’re right,” he says placatingly, “I rescind my previous question.”

 

The silence that follows is a long and heavy thing. Jude still refuses to look at him, so she can feel it as acutely as any tangible thing. “Are you well, Jude?” 

 

She lets out a laugh at that, but there’s no mirth in it. She doesn’t know what angers her more; the tender way he asked the question or the fact that he had the gall to ask it at all. 

 

“Certainly, I’m doing better than you hoped.”

 

He finally looks away at that. With the full force of his intent gaze directed elsewhere, Jude relaxes marginally. “Good.” He nods almost to himself. 

 

“Be careful, your highness. It almost sounds like you care about your long-forgotten wife.”

 

“Is it so ridiculous? The notion that I did all of this to protect you?”

 

Any sadistic pleasure she’s gotten from this little game she was playing with Cardan disappears in an instant. She’s filled to the brim with so much fury, so much hapless anger, it chokes her. Still she manages to squeeze out the words. 

 

“Just because I was played for a fool once, Cardan, doesn’t mean it will ever happen again.” Jude feels particularly mean today. And if her voice shakes, the barely restrained violence in her voice is the easiest culprit to spot. Heartbreak comes in a distant second. “You’ve never done anything unselfish a day in your life. Why start now?”

 

He blinks. The only indication that he’s heard her is the tight-knuckled way he’s clutching the back of the arm of the chair. “I’m afraid that I cannot tell you that you are wrong. No matter how much I wish it otherwise.” She hates him for turning everything on its head like this. Like she should feel sorry for him for betraying her. She hates him even more for not challenging her claims. She wishes he would, but, alas, the fair folk cannot lie.

 

“Get out, Cardan,” Jude says quietly, all the fight leaving her in one go. “Come back in a few days. I’ll be gone and Oak doesn’t have school on Sundays.”

 

Cardan doesn’t bother with a reply. He turns around and walks out of the door.

 

Jude is heart-broken, she won’t deny it. Still, she sits and plans her husband’s demise as if not a thing had happened.  

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i'm darlinggod on tumblr (i'm sorry)


End file.
